On Loneliness

The funny thing is how there’s often a confusion between the terms “lonely” and being “alone”. It can be quite dangerous when one is substituted for another – we are always truly alone in that we can’t share consciousnesses past the layer that we want to (and sometimes not) portray. As Conrad says, “We live as we dream… alone”. So what is to feel loneliness then, as opposed to being alone? (Having typed this now, it seems like an alien word – or more crudely – “all” “one”).

To me, loneliness is a sense of forced separation from yourself. To feel that you need justification, a reasoning, an external actualization of your being – someone who will code the animation back into your frame by their acknowledgement. Obviously the reasons for loneliness differ and in my opinion is definitely not a case of being “alone” in the purest sense. You need someone to place you in the world, and that can be a function of our species being a “social animal”. We call partners “other halves” or “significant other” (urgh!). Are we all-one or al(l)one when we’re in this social agreement? Sounds rather contradicting! Maybe we need to extend this term to altwo?

We all have our personal reasons for feeling lonely at times, and I do sometimes as well (although I have no qualms as such with being alone). I guess the way I would picture it is being out of orbit (as we often tend to see out of the loop, or picture this boundary as a social circle – thank you Google Plus-) and we need the gravity generated by the effect of the boundary to suck us back in. Gravity is vital for our survival, after all. The reason for this post? I dream odd things. I don’t feel lonely, actually. I was just ruminating on how the world changes, how I see lace weaving its way through the little corners of my perspective. I think I’m at that age now where I see life blooming around me – many children are being born in my little corner of existence it seems 🙂 and unions are being forged. I’m very grateful to see this little garden expanding.

As I’m my own epicentre – I don’t feel I change as a result. But that’s from my own perspective alone, of course. I may have changed immensely through the eyes of others.

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